Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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