You really coming over, don't trick.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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