Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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