It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
