We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
