Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
