i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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