I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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