Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
