i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Randomize
