Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
