The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
