you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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