My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
