i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
