Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
