I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Shitshow foam night was such a success
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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