You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
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This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
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They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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