those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
