you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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