He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
