Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
