Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize