she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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