I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
