i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
