she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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