It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
