I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
