Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
