My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
