I just pynch a tree in the face
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Just invented taco cereal.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
