Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
