My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
