her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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