Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
