i permit you to call me
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
