So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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