Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
