Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
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I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
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He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
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