I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
