There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
