I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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