those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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