hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
