So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
How's work?
Spinning.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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