Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
