How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize