things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
