please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
