You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
