I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
