He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
