I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
