just tell him i said nine months
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
