So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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