After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
