so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
