Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
