I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
