nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize