I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
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what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
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Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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