i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
