LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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