lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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